I plopped down in front of Brenda’s desk and asked, “Have you managed to keep things together in my absence?”
“Does not committing homicide count as ‘together’?” she asked.
“Possibly,” I replied. “Unless you believe as some religions that thought is sin, rather than actions. Anyone in particular a temptation for you right now?”
Brenda looked at me as if I were truly and deeply dense.
Most executive assistants ultimately come to a place in their career where they have little patience left for the eccentric, annoying, casually abusive and arrogant behavior of their boss. That boss is usually a man, but more frequently a woman as time forces us to evolve our notions of propriety in business. And the role of assistant to a “senior” executive is evolving too. A few decades ago, the executive assistant was a prestigious position, a confidant to the top officers, a highly skilled professional bred as a cross between a valet, a chauffeur, a chief of staff and a therapist. These days, much of the personal services have disappeared, but the general coddling continues in other ways. When that coddling becomes difficult to administer, it can be potentially hazardous for the executive in question.
Who is completely, blissfully unaware of the irritations he may be causing.
Brenda explains. “Over time, the CEO is rewarded for his annoying habits because everyone else accommodates him. If he’s always late for meetings, making a grand entrance, no one complains, so he thinks that’s just fine and proper. It demonstrates his importance. If the CEO always makes the same dumb penguin joke, people still laugh. He thinks he’s hilarious. If the CEO loses his temper, everybody backs off, so it teaches him to bluster and fume if he’s feeling like people are asking too much of him. Like planning ahead. Or fairly administering policy.
“Sometimes a CEO needs a whack in the forehead with a well-aimed high heel shoe,” she finished.
“That sounds effective,” I said. “The small, long-lasting welt that the sharp heel would leave could serve as a daily reminder while shaving that the CEO needed some intensive behavior modification. And it’s not permanent or a serious threat to health. It would be difficult to explain to the wife over dinner, increasing the value of the act as a tool in behavior modification.”
“Right,” Brenda agreed. “It’s an acute, effective punisher that won’t do permanent damage, but it will still make a lasting impression, so to speak.”
“So to speak,” I groaned. “Have you discussed this high heel theory with your colleagues?”
“Actually we have a growing group of executive assistants who do compare notes,” she said. “We’re thinking of starting a blog.”
I jumped on the idea. “Say, you could do what that guy did who had a blog about the stuff his dad says! He got a television program out of it!”
Brenda got excited. “I’ve got just the right name for it, too! ‘The Flying Stilettos’!”
We basked in the warmth of our own brilliance. Truly one of those great ideas that someone else will undoubtedly follow through on. Brenda sighed and smiled, happy to share this little moment of truth.
It’s not that Brenda doesn’t like working for her CEO. As such incumbents go, her boss is pretty damn good. But he does know how to push someone’s buttons related to punctuality (making others wait), letting people know in advance of some major project (not being considerate of their time and current demands) and promising others what his staff can’t deliver.
Again, the CEO has been accommodated, because his team has consistently delivered on unrealistic expectations, which he now has evidence to show is actually very realistic. Some say that it is demoralizing to expect what cannot be achieved. On the other hand, you don’t know what can or cannot be done until you test the limits of capability. So in that regard, the irritating, challenging, hyperbolic CEO is just the right kind of leader to cause phenomenal achievement. That approach isn’t the only way to obtain the supposedly “impossible” result. But it can certainly be one of them.
Therefore, Brenda, I propose an annual CEO honoree, chosen by you and your colleagues. That CEO would be selected as the most deserving among many, to receive the coveted Flying Stiletto, signifying the qualities of an irksome executive whose staff achieve the impossible, just to get him out of their offices.
Friday, February 11, 2011