Some people are lucky enough to be born broadly talented, perhaps even highly adept at one or more areas of human endeavor. We easily recognize the value of such abilities, but there is a hidden dark side to being good at things.
I call the first example Chase the Stick. If a dog is good at running, jumping and returning the branch, and appears to enjoy the interaction, we know that we can get that dog to go wherever we want by deciding where to throw the stick. The dog will usually play Stick until they are completely exhausted. So it’s pretty easy to control a dog who likes to chase a stick. In the human realm, people pick up instantly on what a person appears to like to do, and if there is an opportunity to gain from the energy that person expends, people will engineer a way to create “sticks” that the adept individual will want to chase. As long as the relationship is symbiotic, not a problem. But rare are such interactions that remain symbiotic for a long time. At some point, the symbiosis changes to parasitism. And unprincipled opportunists may exploit the Stick addict to their detriment. More likely, the dynamic is benign: the skillful person simply responds to opportunities to exhibit their talents, whether or not the actions are what they’d choose if they took the time to stop, look at the stick and ask if it was in the direction they really wanted to run.
The second example is also subtle. I call this one The Spotlight. If I am good at something, and people provide positive attention to me because of that, then the odds go up that I will do that something again. If I’m good at math and spreadsheets and I provide someone a tool that they appreciate, I feel good about that. I accept the next invitation to do a spreadsheet, because the last time I did so, it was a positive experience. Time goes by. Next thing I know I’m fifteen years into a career, Vice President of Spreadsheets, and I don’t know how I got here. I always wanted to be an airline pilot.
Chase the Stick is an internally reinforced behavior, i.e., the joy of the activity. The Spotlight is an externally reinforced behavior, i.e., recognition and positive attention. These can occur separately or in tandem. Woe to the talented person who experiences both.
What happens is that gradually, over a long period, the capable person gets more and more frustrated. The “high” isn’t there anymore. They develop a stronger and stronger sense of personal direction; they want to be in control of their own future. They exhibit it as degradation in respect for people in authority over them. They criticize their supervisors more and more frequently, even criticizing the people they work with. They are mentally separating from the people they work for and with, because they are not on a path of their own choosing and it doesn’t feel good anymore. When the activity itself is no longer as fun as it used to be, when the awards and recognition have occurred so many times that the currency is worth less and less, then the talented person gets irritated because the reinforcement for their skills is gone. Instead of looking inwardly, they often blame outwardly. That’s a natural reaction. For the majority of people, when personal discomfort is experienced, the first assumption is that someone else is causing it. Some become self-aware enough to realize that the source of the irritation is on the inside of their skin, not external to it.
The solution is to pick a path of heart. That means: choose a career path that has a reason behind it which will propel one through the difficult, the mundane, the painful, the confusing, the ambiguous and the strange, towards the wonderful. And the reason usually has to transcend one’s own life, in order to be of a magnitude to warrant the effort. Providing for a family, leaving a legacy, serving a greater good than self-indulgence, are examples.
The people of average talents don’t face these pitfalls. They discovered much sooner in life that to achieve something of lasting nourishment to the body and soul, one must experience all of the hard parts on the way to that achievement. They had to work harder early on. The cliché that captures this truth, which we’ve heard and repeated without deep understanding, is: “nothing worthwhile comes easy”. The reciprocal to this axiom is: “nothing easy is worthwhile”. It means that, if it comes too easy, it won’t truly nourish our soul.
So capable, talented people often get caught up in Chase the Stick and being in The Spotlight. If they don’t wake up, they get bitter, resentful, angry and depressed. If they wake up enough to look in the mirror instead of at the people around them, they become architects of their own lives. Things get scary and hard and exciting. The fullness of life happens.